The Accessible Guide to Artemis Fowl
by chaladie-heart
Summary: So, this guide might be little redundant on what you already know, but what's going to hurt if you just check it out? Everyone likes a guide sooner or later.
1. Introduction

  Hello everybody! Just in case you were wondering, I do not own any of the Artemis Fowl characters. And because there will be none of _my_ characters in this (what do you expect, it's a guide) everything will and does belong to Eoin Colfer. 

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's a stupid idea to write a guide, while most people on fanfiction.net (in the Artemis Fowl section at least) know just about everything there is to know. But feel free to read and review to tell me if you like it, you don't like it, there's not enough stuff, there's too much stuff, there's something I forgot… etcetera.

  And so the guide unfolds (dun-dun-dun).


	2. An Indexing of Characters

**|A Quick Character Run-through|**

[Note: The numbers in bold after each character name are the numbers of the books that the character appears or is mentioned in.]

Antonelli, Spatz – Chicago Mob's leader. **3**

Argon, Professor J. – Annoying psychiatrist from below the United States, compiler of all files on Artemis Fowl II.  **1, 2, 3**

Aymon – Dead B'wa Kell officer. **2**

Barre, Detective Justin – Old consort of Butler's, Scotland Yard detective. **3**

Blunt, Arno – Jon Spiro's convicted muscleman. **3**

Bog – The gnome who opened a pizza fast-food station in Stonehenge. **3**

Britva – Leader of the Russian Mafiya. **2**

Burton, Inky – Supposedly the "best" Chicago tattooist, works at the Inkblot parlor. **3**

Butler, Domovoi – Artemis Fowl II's manservant. **1, 2, 3**

Butler, Juliet – Sister of Domovoi, part-time guard of Angeline Fowl. **1, 2, 3**

Butler, Virgil – First known Butler in the service of a Fowl (Lord Hugo de Folé). **1**

Cahartez- Member of the Council. **1, 3**

Carrère, Luc – Cudgeon's and Koboi's French contact during the B'wa Kell uprising. **2**

Chips – One of Jon Spiro's idiot musclemen. Pex's partner. **3**

Commons, Sid – Ex-Green Beret, used to work with Butler at Monte Carlo **3**

Cudgeon, Lieutenant/Commander/Private Briar **1, 2**

Cumulus, Dr. – Annoying psychiatrist. **1, 2**

D'Klass, San – Early elfin king, the derivation of the original Santa Claus came from him. **1**

D'Nall – Dead B'wa Kell officer. **2**

Diggums, Mulch – Kleptomaniac dwarf. **1, 2, 3**

Foaly – Paranoid centaur, technological LEP genius. **1, 2, 3**

Folé, Lord Hugo de – Early Fowl ancestor, part of one of the first Norman crusades. **1**

Fowl I, Artemis – Artemis II's father, converted criminal businessman. **1, 2, 3**

Fowl II, Artemis – Irish boy genius, first human to openly consort with the fairy People. **1, 2, 3**

Fowl, Angeline – Artemis I's wife and Artemis II's mother. **1, 2, 3**

Fowl, Aodhán – Builder of Fowl Manor. **2**

Frazetti, Carla – Spitz Antonelli's goddaughter, link between him and Spiro. **3**

Frond, Corporal Lili – Blonde bimbo officer of the LEP. **1, 2**

Gruber, Dr. Hermann – Doctor who measured Artemis Fowl I for his prosthetic limb, has worked with German Olympic team **3**

Irina – Masseuse at the Blackrock Spa. **2**

Kamar – Russian Mafiya _khuligany. **2**_

Kelp, Captain Trouble – The stoic face of the LEPretrieval force. **1, 2, 3**

Kelp, Corporal Grub – Wimpy LEP officer, brother of Captain Kelp. **1, 2, 3 **

Ko, Madam – Bodyguarding instructor and sole founder and staff of the Private Protection Academy, Japanese _sensei._  **2,3**

Koboi, Ferall – The father of Opal Koboi. **2**

Koboi, Opal – Technological mastermind, power-hungry sprite imprisoned in Howler's Peak. **2**

Lane, Dr. Constance – Doctor of the Ice Age Cryogenics center, has too much cosmetic surgery and makeup. **3**

Lope – Member of the Council. **1**

Lyubkhin – Russian Mafiya's dockman. **2**

Maggie V – Temptuous Jamaican actress. **2**

McGuire, Loafers – Chicago Mob metal man. **3**

Newt, Corporal – LEP officer. **1**

Nguyen, Xuan – Artemis Fowl II's Vietnamese contact. **1**

Nyle, Lieutenant – Possibly dead B'wa Kell officer. **2**

Pearson, Dr. – Nobel-prize-winning scientist, head of Spiro's tech crew. **3**

Pex – One of Jon Spiro's idiot musclemen. Chips's partner. **3**

Phlebum, Scalene, and Sputa – The B'wa Kell's old triad. **2**

Po, Dr. – St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen psychiatrist. **2**

Poll, Lieutenant – Dead B'wa Kell officer. **2**

Root, Commander Julius – Red-faced ill-tempered Recon commander. **1, 2, 3**

Short, Captain Holly – The first female Recon officer. **1, 2, 3**

Spiro, Jon – Shady businessman, owner of Fission Chips and the Spiro Needle. **3**

Terryl, Commandant – Truculent gnome official of E1 Tara. **2**

Tracy – Gum-chewing, cigarette-smoking employee of Dr. Constance Lane. **3**

Vassikin, Mikhael – Russian Mafiya _khuligany_. **2**

Vein, Captain – An LEP captain who used to be number one. **1**

Verbil, Private Chix – Girl-crazy, annoying sprite. **1, 2**

Vinyáya, Wing Commander – Member of the Council. **1, 2**


	3. Artemis Fowl II

**|Artemis Fowl II|**

Age: [Book One] 12, [Book Two] 13, [Book Three] 13. Six months after Book Three, he'll be 14.

Heritage: Undeniably Irish.

Appearance: A pale youth with raven-black hair and dark blue eyes. He's usually wearing either his St. Bartleby's uniform or an Armani suit, according to Eoin Colfer.

Personality: He is overly mature, as he _is_ a child prodigy. He appears cold, distant, and lonely to other teenagers and prefers to stay within himself. In Book One he is a complete brat, in Book Two he warms up a little, and in Book Three he _is_ nice.

Hobbies: Inventing completely futuristic and ingenious things. It figures.

**|Family Ties|**

Artemis, in the first book, appears to love his mother, but at the end there is a note saying that he bargained with Holly Short to heal his mother not because of compassion, but because officials were beginning to look into his case. The note is written by Professor J. Argon, and one does wonder if that is true, or if it is merely from the Professor's point of view. Artemis _does_, however, appear to love his father and goes to great lengths to rescue him during the second book. He is very aware of his mother's feelings during the dangerous rescue attempt: "Artemis couldn't watch Holly's rescue attempt. Had he done the right thing? What if the hydrosion shell had penetrated? How could he ever face his mother again?" When his father is recovered alive, he cries for an entire minute before regaining himself. However, when his father is finally awoken, months later in a Helsinki hospital, Artemis is horrified to find that his father has given up criminal enterprises in favor of the Fowls becoming a closer family. Is it the family values part that he cannot believe, or is it merely that his father is giving up crime? "_I looked at my parents, how happy they were together. A family? Was it possible that the Fowls could be a normal family?" _ In the same book (three), Artemis mentally objects to Spiro's calling him "Arty", because that was his father's pet name for him. My conclusion is that Artemis Fowl II _does love and care for his family, however at a very subconscious level. He believes that a crime lord such as himself should not bother with such trivial things as love, but he does acknowledge that he loves his family._

**|In a friendly way|**

Sad but true: Artemis Fowl II has no friends of his own age. Certainly he acknowledges Juliet and Domovoi Butler as part of his family – "A large part of Artemis wanted to drape his arms across the bodyguard's frame and cry for him as he would a brother"- but as Juliet is nineteen and Domovoi is now about fifty, that rather rules out the "Artemis's age" category. Angeline and Artemis Senior sent him to St. Bartleby's for hope that he would start to socialize with the other boys there; however, in Books Two and Three, that didn't show much sign of happening.

Review with your opinions of Arty and I'll put them up!


	4. The Butlers

**|The Butlers|**

**|In the beginning…|**

  "The Butlers had been serving the Fowls for centuries. It had always been that way. Indeed, there were several eminent linguists of the opinions that this was how the common noun had originated. The first record of this unusual arrangement was when Virgil Butler had been contracted as servant, bodyguard, and cook to Lord Hugo de Folé for one of the first great Norman crusades." 

**|Are they born with the natural ability to body-slam people?|**

  "At the age of ten, Butler children were sent to a private training center in Israel, where they were taught the specialized skills necessary to guard the latest in the Fowl line. These skills included Cordon Bleu cooking, marksmanship, a customized blend of martial arts, emergency medicine, and information technology. If, at the end of their training, there was not a Fowl to guard, then the Butlers were eagerly snapped up as bodyguards for various royal personages, generally in Monaco or Saudi Arabia."

  As for consistency on the subject of Butler training… well, in Book Three, Colfer notes that both Juliet and Domovoi attended Madam Ko's Personal Protection Academy… "Traditionally all Butler males enrolled in Madam Ko's Personal Protection Academy on their tenth birthday," but also adds later in that paragraph that the location of the camp did not usually remain the same. "The camp was never located in the same country for more than five years. Butler had done his training in Switzerland and Israel, but his younger sister received her instruction in the Utsukushigahara Highlands in Japan."

**|Juliet and Domovoi|**

  Domovoi appears as a six-foot-plus giant with a shaved head and black designer suit. It seems that his employer wishes for him to remain as discreet as possible. He is usually calm… unless Artemis or Juliet is in danger. As Juliet reflects in Book Three: "Juliet generally had the stifle a yawn when Madam Ko started on the kung fu wisdom stuff. Butler, on the other hand, had eaten it up. He was forever finding his _quiet place_ and inhabiting it. In fact, he only came out of his _quiet place to pulverize whoever was threatening Artemis at the time." _

  Meanwhile, Juliet is a happy teenager. She had an odd obsession with wrestling, but looks, as she is described in Book Three, like "a little pop princess clone." Blonde hair, blue eyes, glitter makeup, the works. Other than that, not much is said about how the siblings look besides page 167 in Book Three: "The family resemblance was clear, the same narrow nose and full lips. The same eyes, jumping in their sockets like roulette balls in the wheel. Watching, always watching."

  The only thing that you don't know is who their parents are. Butler was 27 when Juliet was born, and it seemed as though he served as a father figure for her. Could it be possible that their parents are dead? The only relations of theirs that are mentioned, besides Virgil Butler, was their uncle, who died in the crash of the _Fowl Star._


	5. Commander Julius Root

**|Commander Julius Root|**

  [Note: Thank you, Kelaal and charliegirl2 for correcting me! Basically I was going from my general memory, not really wanting to check the books, so of course I got tons of stuff wrong. –lax face- So, if I continue to mistake a couple of things, do me a favor and correct me, okay?]

Age: Somewhere around 700 years old: in Book One Cudgeon refers to all time spent with the commander wasted; and the commander responds, "That's about six hundred years wasted altogether, eh, _friend_?" Earlier in Book One, Foaly remarks on Root hadn't exactly been a spring bud five hundred years ago, meaning that Root is definitely older than six hundred, so perhaps along the lines of six hundred fifty, seven hundred, etc.

Appearance: Potbellied, red-faced little man with a gray buzz cut smoking a smelly cigar: Juliet's description in Book One just about sums him up. Think Buddha meets potbellied pig minus the merry smile. Keep the snout, though.

Heritage: Let's not go there.

Personality: Usually bad-tempered, loves to scream and vent, and is usually only happy when someone else isn't, preferably Mulch Diggums. Has a unique sense of justice, however, and was the only one to vouch for Captain Holly Short's case after the Artemis Fowl affair.

Hobbies: Smoking noxious fungus cigars. Being cranky. Hmm, what else do we need?

**|Generalistic Summarization|**

  Julius Root hates being called by his first name, so LEP officers generally refer to him as Beetroot, because of his lovely facial tones. Eoin Colfer describes it as going everywhere from rosé to tomato to purple – charming, no? He is obviously intended to be one of the funniest characters in the series, and his longtime grudge with the convict Mulch Diggums is one of the deepest undercurrents as well. 


	6. Foaly

**|Foaly|**

  Age: Eoin Colfer does _not ever tell _anyone_ his character's ages, instead hinting at it in the books and leaving readers to puzzle it out themselves. However, one does get the idea that he is fairly old, younger than Commander Root, but older than Captain Short. Colfer mentions in Book Two that Foaly pioneered "every major development from flare prediction to mind-wiping technology." Considering that Root refers to five hundred years ago as "top-hat and shillelagh days," I'm assuming that there were __not flare predictions and mind-wiping technology back then, and therefore guessing that Foaly is somewhere around 300 – 400 years old. But then again, in Book Two, Foaly remarks to Opal Koboi that she was still jealous because he had "won the science medal back in university." If the two had gone to college together, could it be possible that they were the same age, or do centaurs grow more slowly than pixies? Earlier in Book Two, Colfer writes that fifteen years after Koboi graduated from college, she was already plotting with the demoted Briar Cudgeon, meaning that the Artemis Fowl siege had already occurred. This doesn't figure!_

  Appearance: Well, he's a centaur – ring any bells, people? Half-horse, half-man? Yes, that would be about right. Colfer neglects to add any detail about Foaly's human torso and head, but does refer to Foaly as "horsy" now and then. Root lovingly calls the centaur "pony boy," a rather apt name when one thinks about it. In the first book Foaly wears a tinfoil hat to "prevent [human intelligence agencies] from reading his mind," but in the second book he dispiritedly throws it away in the middle of the B'wa Kell siege. 

  Heritage: Who knows? What I'd like to know is how the People don't freak out whenever they see half of a man clopping around their Ops Booth.

  Personality: Annoying and mouthy. Colfer makes no bones about this in all three of his books: "Every discovery made him less respectful and more annoying." There you have it. In the first book Foaly is described as "paranoid," (hence the foil bonnet), but you don't seem to find Foaly shaking or constantly looking around. Perhaps this paranoia was discarded in Book Two along with the creative foil hat.

  Hobbies: Dismantling things, annoying Commander Root and calling him "Julius." The centaur seems to know that he is irreplaceable and does everything he can to take advantage of that.

**|Summary of the Foaly|**

  Centaurs do not have any magic, as is described in Book Two, "Centaurs didn't have magic. Not a drop. They got on by brains alone. That and their ability to trample their enemies underfoot." This doesn't seem to hamper Foaly, who probably prefers technology anyhow. In his Operations Booth, where he appears to live, he has a voice-activated laser and plasma tiles, not to mention his specially-adapted swivel chair. He, as described in Book Two, is jealous and competitive with other companies, as he was with Opal Koboi. 


End file.
